I struggle to write this week as we lead up to the seventh anniversary of Scott’s death, on July 8th. The ache that is always there comes to the surface at such times like anniversaries. Many of you who have lost someone you love will know the feeling.
With the loss of a significant person in our lives, in our case our son, it is like part of us is missing. It is not just the event of the death that changes everything for us, it is what follows in our relationships and circumstances because of what happened. Life changes from that time on and we have to find our new normal.
This week I look back on what we have been through and how far we have come as a family. It amazes me the good that has come out of this tragedy so far. We have much to be thankful for.
To start with it didn’t look like we could survive this one. Early on we were thrust into the media spotlight and had to learn to live with the constant scrutiny, at a time when heading for the hills looked the best option. Every area of our lives felt out of control. But we had two businesses to run and a family in crisis. Life doesn’t stop. We had to keep going. “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” (Bob Marley)
Everyone grieves differently and we have learned to allow each other time and space to find our way. Ultimately it is a journey that we can only do alone. No-one can do it for us. But we do have the same loss, so we understand each other.
There is no time-limit to work towards. It doesn’t seem to happen like that. We found each loss has to be worked through separately. There is no one package deal to get it over and done with as much as we would like it to be.
We all still go up and down a bit but we know we have climbed some big mountains and overcome some seemingly insurmountable obstacles to get to the other side of chaos. We certainly approach life differently and we know because of that we can face the curve balls that life throws at us.
We have changed and have learned more about how deeply we love each other. To encourage each member of the family is the most important thing we can do. Our children and grandchildren deserve a good life despite what has happened.
I need a lot more solitude nowadays to maintain a peace and calmness that has taken a hard journey to attain, but it is so lacking in supply these days. I do see such beauty in the little things around me.
We will celebrate Scott’s life on Saturday and remember all the things we love about him. He is still very much part of our family even though he is not here in person. We will meet again Scott Guy!