Even though we experienced a series of tragedies over the last six years and things looked like they would never get any better, they have. At times I have tried to make sense of it all and realise that some things in this life might never be explained. Too much energy wasted on trying to work it out is not a good idea.
To begin with in a crisis, or grief we can only focus on ourselves and not much else. We just have to get through and survive. It is all-consuming and looking outwards to other people’s needs is not even on our radar. But slowly things begin to change, almost without noticing.
Once we had made the decision to sell the farm (that was the hard bit), everything started moving towards that end. We had a direction to go towards. It took two years to achieve that, as there is a lot involved! Then came the question of how we wanted to live the next part of our lives.
Our family was expanding with more grandchildren arriving, with number thirteen due in a few weeks. We thought we would like more space for every one for these little people (and a few bigger ones), to run like the wind and to climb trees. And so what a change that has brought for us! At our new home we enjoy every moment and we even saw a quail this morning. As the spring has been slowly coming we marvel at the different shades and textures of the trees in the garden. And breathe it in.
As the big things on the ‘to do’ list have been ticked off I notice I am able to see so much more of what is going on around me. An empathy and compassion that I didn’t realise was I developing is now very strong. I see how our experiences can be used to make a difference to someone else.
At the start of everything I remember Bryan and I both thought, “We are not going through this for nothing and good is going to come out of it!”
We still have big challenges ahead because of the nature of what happened to us. But now we know we can get through difficult times. We appreciate time with family who are so precious because of all that has been suffered. We hope we can ease the pain a little by loving and making happy memories for the next generation. Hugs are still very important!
If you are going through seemingly unsurmountable odds, you can get through. Keep making the choice to do just that. Sometimes it is several times a day and it might feel like one step forward and five back. But one day it will feel lighter as the tide begins to turn.