The Road to Forgiveness.
To forgive, or not to forgive someone who has hurt us so badly? For me I have often put off thinking about that as “I didn’t want to go there”. It is way too hard to overcome.
When Scott, one of our oh-so-loved children, was murdered it wasn’t just Scott who was a victim, it was all the people his life touched, and the ripple effect it had on all of us. Also came the betrayal of our trust with our ex son-in-law and his subsequent prison sentence. It was way too big to get over. We ached for our six grandchildren who were without their fathers. So in the past I have shelved the idea of forgiveness.
Often we all have some very big hurts that have been done to us. So I am not alone in this quandary. It is like seeing a huge rocky mountain in front of me that looks way to steep and dangerous to climb. I also think we don’t have to forgive too soon.
I am now seeing it as a process, like grieving. The first hurdle is to choose to forgive. Even if our feelings don’t match up. I grit my teeth as I choose this path. But I want to and need to for my health and well-being, let alone for those around me. My life cannot be filled with much needed love to give out if I don’t follow this forgiveness path. Hurt and un-forgiveness grows like a cancer and spreads into bitterness and anger and I do not want any of that. Love for ourselves and others, and hate for someone who has wronged us, cannot live side by side. One will dominate our thoughts and what we say. This is where our choice comes in.
The question I often think about is, “do we arrive at a place of forgiveness?” I’m not sure about that. I haven’t experienced that yet. When we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and special events, the feelings of anger and loss return. My revengeful thoughts threaten to overtake me. But I cannot stay there. Instead it is like turning away from something we abhor and walk away.
I also acknowledge that I need help to forgive. I know I need God’s grace and power to forgive. I can’t do it without that. (Some would call it help from a higher power). I believe the hurt we feel has to be resolved first. It takes a while. Sometimes we need a counsellor to help. I can’t imagine climbing that particular mountain on my own. Often it can feel like one step forward and five back.
Forgiveness is part of a process of letting go, bit by bit, issue by issue. It cannot be dependent on whether we are asked for forgiveness either, as that may be never forthcoming for one reason or another. If we wait for our feelings to come before we forgive it won’t happen. It is an act of a decision made. It is our choice.
14 Comments
One of the hardest hurdles to face. We’re all on a journey. It’s being prepared to face the journey with lo e as the driving force. Love for one another with the Love of God to guide and strengthen us for the journey. Arohanui.
That is so true . j
Jo, your honesty is brutal! But, oh so appreciated. Thank you for sharing how steep that mountain is. xx
It doesn’t seem like a subject to sugar coat into something that is easy i think. x j
Thank you Jo and Wendy .those words are so true . It does take time to forgive . And there are no rules for this . Just with Gods grace and his precious love .can help us with Forgiveness
I reckon, I think so too.x j
You have certainly been handed a big mountain to climb Jo. I see accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to live in a state of resolution with it, as an aspect of forgiveness. I have always admired the commitment you and Bryan have made, to not holding on to bitterness and hate…truly inspirational ❤️X
Thankyou Pauline,the caring of others has made the difference to us. I don’t think about it too often, sometimes the timing seems right to deal with different things! xxj
It’s wonderful you are on that journey. I’M a Christian but struggle with forgiving.
KNow I Have too but it can be difficult.
I enjoyed and took on board what you said.
It is a bumpy journey, but one you will be going in the right direction I’m sure. xj
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we humans need to embrace in order to move on with our lives, hence the proverb “To err is human, to forgive, divine”
It took a great deal of courage for you to write this post and I believe the strength you gain from doing this, will be your reward.
Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it does change the future….it is the only true way forward.
You will never ever forget, but forgiveness will be your salvation.
Take care and enjoy your trip around our glorious country.
Kia kaha…..
That is so true Alison! I did think i needed to write it, so thank you for your encouraging words. Also we tend to keep off subjects that we have struggle with, but we all need to talk about it to move forward and be free. I am going to enjoy discovering all sorts of places in NZ this year and breathe the experiences in! x love right back x
I know these words are truth. Not from personal experience. I cannot imagine a more terribly gastly path to travel
This is a profound message and the only way forward to find that peace that surpasses all understanding, is by applying these words to our own situations. The alternative is to be eaten up with revenge and bitterness. Thank you, keep sharing.
Thankyou sheryl.. You obviously understand the path, and have a great empathy. x j